-Insert Homestuck Here-
by livvykitty
Summary: We've all seen stories where another fandom plays Sburb... But what if Homestuck came to THEIR fandoms instead? Please read to see our favorite trolls and humans as they face new challenges at the hands of this authoress!
1. Pokemon

**A/N: Yay, another project… Anyway, this is where Homestuck characters are inserted into certain series! Have fun~**

**THIS IS FOR FUN AND WILL UPDATE WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT. DO NOT EXPECT UPDATES MORE THAN TWICE A MONTH.**

**Disclaimer: Homestuck doesn't belong to me. I also don't own Pokemon.**

* * *

"We're lost, fuckass!" Karkat fumed at John. John's eyes scanned over the map frantically.

"No, we're fine!" His companions stared at him, knowing that they were indeed lost. Karkat adjusted the booty shorts that he was forced to wear (Eridan, we're looking at you) and fussed with Nepeta in his arms.

"Are you comfortable, Nepeta?"

"Nepeta~" Nepeta snuggled into Karkat, happily purring. Karkat gave a little smile, although he would never admit it. If he was asked, he would have said that he gave a _manly smirk_. Because nothing is manlier than holding a small, adorable cat-troll in your arms and wearing short shorts. _Nothing._

"Sollux, sol." Sollux tugged on John's hat from where he rested on the young teen's shoulder in a _'we're lotht idiot'_ gesture.

"Why don't we rest here?" Eridan sighed, "I'll cook."

"_Sollux_." The small bi- color eyed troll hissed, shaking his head in a _'oh dear Gog no'_ gesture.

_**=GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL=**_

"BLUH!" John wrinkled his nose, "It smells like too much perfume!"

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Karkat rolled his eyes. "And when will I get the money for that bike?"

"For God's sake, that was an accident!" John sighed, exasperated. The three came upon the gym leader.

"My name is Aradia." The girl with long black hair pet a small sleeping troll with white paint on its face, "I'm the Celadon City gym leader."

"My name is John, and I'm here to defeat you!" John proclaimed proudly. His trusted Sollux hid behind him, face flushed bright yellow.

"Gamzee~" Aradia's Pokemon sighed contentedly.

"Well hello, madam!" Eridan was by the woman's side in a flash, kissing her hand. "I must say, your flowers are nothing compared to your beauty. I have been blessed to have met you-"

**SMACK! **

"The only way you can bless her is by _leaving_ _her life_!" Karkat fumed, dragging Eridan away by the ear.

"_**Waaaaahhh…**_"

"Motherfuckin' Gamzee~!"

_**=GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL=**_

Sollux growled as the figures finally revealed themselves… Er…

"_To protect the world from devastation."_

"_To unite all people within our nation!"_

"_To denounce the evils of truth and love…"_

"_To extend our reach to the skies above!"_

"_Rose…"_

"_And Dave!"_

"_Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light…"_

"_Surrender __**now**__ or prepare to fight!"_

"_**Karkat, why is the guy… sparkling? And why are his eyes so big and red-"**_

"_**Never question this, John. NEVER FUCKING QUESTION THIS."**_

"Jade~ That's right!" The black haired Pokemon gave a cat like grin, her canine ears twitching as Dave and Rose made ridiculously dramatic, over the top poses behind her. Well, Dave was striking a pose. Rose was shaking her head at him, wondering if he was having just _a bit_ too much fun doing this.

_**=GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL=**_

* * *

**Yep. I had lots of fun writing this. :3 **

**Series I'm thinking of parodying:**

_**Fruits Basket**_

_**Soul Eater**_

_**Black Butler**_

_**Yu-Gi-Oh!**_

_The Parasol Protectorate_

_**Tokyo Mew Mew**_

_**Ib**_

_**Mad Father**_

_**Misao**_

_The Hunger Games_

_Molly Moon and the Incredible Book of Hypnotism_

_**Corpse Party**_

_House of Night_

**If you have any more suggestions, I'll consider them, okay? No promises!**


	2. Fruits Basket

**A/N: Ah yes, another of these! I'm so uninspired. ._. Oh well.**

**Cast-**

**Tohru – Jade**

**Yuki (The rat) – Dave**

**Kyo (The cat) – Karkat (THE SENSE. THE SENSE.)**

**Shigure (The dog) – Bec (In human form!) **

**Hana – Rose (She'll *BEEEEP* you with electro poison waves)**

**Uo – Roxy (For lack of better character)**

**Momiji (The rabbit) – John**

**Hatsuharu (The bull) – Sollux **

**Akito (God) – Vriska**

* * *

"Hm?" Jade's eyes widened as she examined the painted rocks on her neighbor's doorstep. She smiled, "The Zodiac! They're so cute…"

"What do we have here?" Jade froze, twirling around to see the source of the voice. Behind her stood a man with white hair and brilliant green eyes. She squeaked and the man smiled. "Not many young people are interested in these old things."

Jade brightened, "Yeah! These are the Zodiac animals right?" Jade frowned slightly, surveying the painted rocks. "But…. You wouldn't have the cat, would you?"

"The cat?" The man raised an eyebrow.

"Yes! The poor thing… I had wanted to be born in the year of the cat instead of the dog." Jade said. The man smiled.

"My name is Bec." The man introduced himself. "The year of the dog, huh? I knew we had some sort of connection- ACK!" A big lump formed on the back of his head after the bag connected with his skull.

"Why're you such a perv?" Jade looked up and squeaked.

"S-Strider!" _The raining Prince at our school…!_

"Owww, Dave!" Bec whined, "What's in there, a dictionary?"

"_Two_ of them."

_**=POOF!=**_

"EEP!" Jade blindly swung her school bag at the unknown person only to find that…

It was Karkat.

"…"

"…"

"I'M SO SORRY, VANTAS!" Jade squealed. _If he didn't hate me before, he's sure to hate me now!_

"Don't be," Karkat muttered. "It's fine if… you hit me. I was being a real fuckass earlier."

"Oh no, I didn't hit you because of that!" Jade stammered, "I thought that you were a pervert!"

"…"

_That came out all wrong!_

Karkat just sighed and started walking. "Come on, fuckass, aren't you coming?"

Jade just said, "Oh! Sorry, Vantas!" She ran to catch up.

"Look, you don't have to fucking call me by my last name. Just call me Karkat." Karkat said. Jade blinked.

"Karkat…"

"What is it?" Karkat turned to her.

"Nothing! I was just saying your name!" Jade said cheerfully.

"DON'T CALL MY NAME UNLESS YOU HAVE A REASON, FUCKASS!" Karkat yelled. Jade just made a small eep. "No, wait…! You can say it even if you don't have a reason… Argh, what am I saying?!"

_**=POOF!=**_

Dave's eyes slowly slid open and he took in his surroundings. He tried to sit up and coughed. It looked like his bronchitis was acting up…

"Don't strain yourself!" Jade said, gently pushing on his chest to lay him back down. Dave's gaze found Sollux's.

"What the fuck did you tell her?" Dave asked ever-so-politely.

"Just the story of how I came to love you." Sollux answered.

Dave sighed and turned to Jade, "Sorry if he bored you with the details."

"No!" Jade said, blushing slightly, "It was really sweet… Prince… Dave…!"

"Well, that's goo- Ah…" Dave's eyes popped wide open and Jade could see that his cheeks had turned bright red before smoke filled the room. A little albino mouse tried to hide under the pillow.

"S-See!" Jade blushed. "It d-didn't work…!"

Sollux gave a knowing smile.

_**=POOF!=**_

"B-But…! It looks… better on me…" John whimpered, cowering before the student council President. His shorts, knee high socks and long sleeved shirt were similar to the girl's uniform.

"U-Um! You shouldn't be so hard on him!" Jade said, stepping in front of the small boy.

"I am NOT being HARD on him, Jade Harley!" The scary student stated. "He has no SENSE of manly PRIDE!"

"Hey, if the kid wants to wear the girl's uniform, let him wear it." Sollux stepped in. "Besides, don't you think he'll look good once he grows into the boy's uniform?"

The two girls accompanying the STUCO President imagined an older John in the suit and tire customary of the boy's uniform.

"Mooooooooron." Sollux mumbled under his breath.

"Don't let him brainwash you!" The President yelled helplessly.

"Oh really?" Sollux raised an eyebrow. "What if it _Dave_ was wearing the _girl's uniform_?" The STUCO President started to cry from the beauty and sheer feminine adorableness of Dave in a skirt.

"Oh my…"

"CUT IT OUT." Dave turned to Sollux, "I swear to God, if you don't stop, I'll disown you forever."

"Relax. I'm just making a point." Sollux tipped his chin up.

"This still doesn't excuse the fact that Jonathan Egbert is breaking school rules and that YOUR EYES are not natural!" The STUCO man yelled. Something inside Sollux snapped.

"Oh yeah?" Sollux grabbed him by the collar. "If my eyes are a clear blue, does that mean that I won't break someone's heart? If my suit is black and shiny, does it mean that I won't _kill you?!_"

_Red Sollux…_ Most of the others thought instantaneously.

"Who do you think you are?! GOD?!" Sollux shook him violently, "WELL, SAY SOMETHING, GOD!"

"Prove to me that those eyes are real!" Sollux nodded and took the President in. After a few moments, they both came out. The STUCO Prez seemed convinced and he walked away.

"How did you get him to believe you?" Jade asked innocently. Sollux smirked and raised her face close to his own.

"Why don't I show you? I must tell you though; it requires us to show a bit more than what's prudent-"

Dave and Karkat elbowed him in the head at the same time.

"Fucking Red Sollux…"

"Can't even deal with this…"

Sollux tilted his head and got up, dusting himself off. "So, what happened?"

_**=Poof!=**_

"Hello, my dear Dave." The woman with long hair smirked as she walked around Dave. Dave was pale and he didn't dare to move.

"What did you do to her?" He whispered.

"Nothing." Vriska said. "Do come down to the main house sometime. I have a _special room_ prepared for you."

"_No! I'm sorry!" Vriska beat Dave again with the whip._

"_You're a disgusting boy. A piece of trash!"_

_**=POOF!=**_

"I'll *BEEEEEEP* you with electro-poison waves." Rose said, looking at the bullies in the eye.

They ran.

"Poor Jade!" Roxy hugged her friend. "Rose, don't zap anyone."

* * *

**Er… Review?**


	3. Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged

**A/n: This was something that had to be done. Hehe. **

**This is one long cast list!**

**Yugi – John**

**Yami – Jake**

**Tea – Jade **

**Joey – Sollux**

**Serenity – Terezi**

**Pegasus - Eridan**

**Tristan – Gamzee**

**Duke – Dave**

**Seto Kaiba – Dirk**

**Mokuba - Jane**

**Bakura – Kanaya**

**Marik – Vriska**

**Ishizu – Rose**

**I had fun writing this hehe. X3**

* * *

John watched in horror as his Exodia was thrown overboard. "Holy cow, I never even saw that coming!" (He should have totally seen that coming. He _did_ give the cards to someone who was _clearly_ evil.)

"I'll save them!" Sollux jumped overboard into the ocean and started fighting against the waves. "Must… risk… life… for cards…!" He ended up plunging in and John jumped overboard.

For some reason, John yelled, "I'm the hero!"

Anyway, Sollux and John resurfaced just as Jade and Gamzee had dropped a ladder. Gamzee called down to them, "Get a room you two!"

Soon, both were on the boat. (_I'm on a boat, motherfuckers!_) Jade spoke to John in a sympathetic tone, "Sorry you almost drowned, guys."

Gamzee said, in an equally sympathetic tone, "If it's any consolation, the sun will rise in a few hours."

"Man…" Sollux sighed self-loathingly, "I wasn't able to save your cards. Compared to this, my sister's imminent blindness is a minor inconvience."

"Your _sister_?" John asked. "Why didn't you tell us about that subplot before?"

"My parents got divorced a long time ago…" Sollux sighed, remembering, "… because I tried to teach her how to drive."

* * *

"_Sollux!" Terezi called from the car, "Stop this crazy thing!"_

"_Apply the hand breaks, you dumb broad!" Sollux called after her._

* * *

_**=YU-GI-OH=**_

"HELP! This supermodel's one of my FANGIRLS!" Kanaya yelled, a skeleton falling on her. The rest started to run away.

"NOT A FANGIRL!"

"COME BACK HERE AND HELP ME, YOU WANKERS!"

Soon, Gamzee had crushed the skeleton. "Who's sexy _now_, bitch?"

"Okay!" John spoke up, "It should be okay as long as none of you trigger any obvious traps-"

"Oh snap!" Kanaya said. She had just stepped on a switch.

"Hey Kanaya," John asked, "Are all people from England total spazzes?"

"Pretty much, yes." Kanaya answered before they all ran for their lives, eighties chase music playing in the background. "Gang way! Women and shemales first!" Kanaya was soon crushed under the boulder, yelling, "Oh _BOLLOCKS!_"

"It got Kanaya!" John yelled.

"GOOD." Jade yelled back to him.

Gamzee skidded to a stop and he turned to the boulder, pulling back a fist. "I shall avenge his death!" He punched the boulder, "_My voice gives me SUPER STRENGTH!_" The boulder became little shreds.

Gamzee stared at his hand, "Holy shit, IT REALLY DOES."

"Oh," John said, examining the remains, "It was just a balloon with a speaker inside."

"Somebody…" Kanaya said shakily from the floor, eyes wide, "Tell my fangirls… I love them…"

Jade crouched by her side. "Guys, we scarred Kanaya for life again."

_**=YU-GI-OH=**_

"I can't believve I failed…" Eridan sighed. "All I wwanted to do wwas steal an ancient Egyptian artifact, take ovver a billion dollar company and resurrect my dead wwife. Feferi, I'vve failed you… And I wwould havve gotten awway wwith it too, if it wwasn't for those meddling -"

"Don't you _dare_ make a Scooby Doo reference." Kanaya said, walking in. She was still confused as to how she got her Millennium Ring back, but she wasn't complaining.

"What do _you_ want, Kanaya?" Eridan turned to the now evil fashionista. "Can't you see that I'm feeling distinctly _unfabulous_?"

"I want your Millennium Eye," Kanaya said bluntly, "So I'm challenging you to a shadow game."

"But I don't have any cards!"

"Cards?" Kanaya smirked, "Where we're dueling, we don't need _cards_. We'll do battle with ancient Egyptian laser beams."

_**=YU-GI-OH=**_

"Hi! My name's Nepeta!" The little girl said, holding a stuffed cat in her arms. "I'm eight yeaws old and I'm the waining duel monstas champion in Amewica!"

"That's _impossible_!" Sollux said in disbelief, "Only grown ups are allowed to play children's card games!"

"I'm looking for Arthur Egbert!" Nepeta said.

"Who the hell is Arthur Egbert?" John asked in confusion.

"John, that's your _father_." Jade said.

"He has a _**NAME**_?!"

"Hello, little troll girl," Dad Egbert said, "If you want to get into my will, you better hurry! I could drop dead at any moment!" He added quietly to himself, "… with any luck…"

"I want the Blue Eyes you stole fwom me!" Nepeta demanded, holding her hand out.

"Aww, she's so cute!" Gamzee cooed at the girl.

'_**She wasn't talking to you.**__'_ Her stuffed cat growled.

"Nyeh!" Sollux exclaimed, "That cat is _possessed_!"

"Hehe," Nepeta giggled, "Don't be silly! It's just a regular cat! Isn't that right, Pounce de Leon?"

'_**You'll be the first to die.**__'_

_**=YU-GI-OH=**_

_Warning! This segment contains copious amounts of DAVE STRIDER. Women with heart conditions are advised not to look directly at Dave Strider. This also applies to women __**without**__ heart conditions. _

_He's very pretty._

_See? See how pretty he is?! _

_He's __**very**__ pretty._

_I just want to run my fingers through his hair and I'm just some text! Without further ado, enjoy your crappy Fanfiction._

"Hey, where's that music coming from?" Sollux followed the sound of theme music to a room crawling with fangirls. In middle of it all, a cool kid calmly did dice tricks.

"It's magic!" Gamzee exclaimed. "He must be a _witch!_"

The cool kid looked at the group and walked over. "I couldn't help but notice that you aren't drooling over me like I was some sort of sex object."

Jade totally was. "Huminah, huminah, huminah…"

"I'm Dave Strider," He introduced himself suavely; "I own the new game shop." That theme music flared whenever he spoke.

"You can own my body too, if you want!" Jade spoke up.

"Burn the witch!" Gamzee yelled.

"You must be John," Dave smirked at the boy, "My fangirls have told me all about _you_. They say you're _almost_ as awesome as me."

"Hey dice boy," Sollux said, "What do they say about me?" Point, point.

"They say," Dave looked at him, poker face at the ready, "that you're a _loser_ with a fetish for dressing up like animals."

"I am NOT a loser!" Sollux declared, "And I'll prove it by challenging you to a children's card game!"

"I accept," Dave said, "If I win, you have to be my slave."

"Lucky bastard…" Jade muttered.

"If I win, you have to close your shop!" Sollux said angrily.

"Sollux, don't you think that's a little extreme?" John asked, "You can't just put somebody out of business because you're jealous."

"I'M NOT JEALOUS." Sollux _totally was_. "What does he have that I don't have? Aside from the fangirls… and the pretty hair… and those gorgeous red eyes…"

"Don't forget my sweet ass." Dave put in.

"Yeah, and a sweet ass, but other than that, he's got _NOTHING_!" Sollux declared.

_**=YU-GI-OH=**_

"Tell me, John," Kanaya smirked. "Have you ever dueled with a devil in the pale moon light?"

Jake answered, "Okay, why don't you cut the crap and tell us who you really are, Kanaya? Or should I say the spirit of the Millennium Ring that doesn't have a name as of yet?"

"Actually, we're both called Kanaya," Kanaya frowned.

"What?" Jake asked, "But that's just confusing! Not to mention, highly unlikely."

"Oh, just wait until season five when there are _three _of me running around." Kanaya said, "Even the fans have trouble keeping up with that one."

"Look! It's the _other_ Kanaya! The one we don't like!" Jade exclaimed.

"You're going have to be way more specific, Jade." Sollux deadpanned.

_**=YU-GI-OH=**_

"We are all apart of an online story known as –Insert Homestuck Here-," Rose said mysteriously, "created by a nerdy anime obsessed idiot in her teens. 4Kids wishes to see this story banned."

"Here, let me pretend I'm interested," Dirk cleared his throat before continuing sarcastically, "Gee, Miss Rose, why would they want to do that?"

"Because this story stems from worlds not owned by the writer," Rose answered, "and this story is where a very miniscule piece of interest in Homestuck and other fandoms comes from. However, this chapter is tiring and cliché. Its characters have become nothing more than vessels to spew forth catchphrases. For example, Sollux saying _nyeh_."

"A-nyeh?" Sollux questioned.

"Dirk saying '_Screw the rules, I have money_.'" Rose continued.

"Haven't said that in years." Dirk said.

"Or Gamzee saying…" Rose sighed, "pretty much anything."

"God dammit, Nappa!" Gamzee grinned.

"If that true," Dirk asked, "then why don't _you_ have a catchphrase?"

"…" Rose answered, "Because, shut up."

_**=YU-GI-OH=**_

"Man, look at that vault…" A Steve said, "There must be something _really_ valuable inside!"

"Maybe it's gold!"

"Maybe it's diamonds!"

"Foolish Steves," Vriska smirked, "What lies in there is waaaaaaaay more valuable than gold or jewels! What lies inside there is… a children's trading caaaaaaaard."

"Oh shit."

"I didn't sign up for this!"

"Game over, man! Game over!"

"Silence!" Vriska commanded. "I command you to chill the frig out while I check if the coast is clear." She looked on both sides, "Okay, we're good!"

The vault opened, revealing Rose. "I cannot let you do this, Vriska."

"Rose!" Vriska called in surprise, "You're an Egyptian God card? Since when?!"

"Cease this foolishness at once!" Rose stepped towards her, "Come home with me and we'll pretend that this never happened."

"How do I summon you?" Vriska asked curiously.

"Vriska, I am NOT a TRADING CARD." Rose said in frustration. "Now, COME HOME WITH ME THIS INSTANT."

"Is your special effect being a _total bitch_, because that's what you're being!" Vriska stuck her tongue out.

"I'm _not_ a _God card_."

"That's exactly what a God card _would saaaaaaaay_…" Vriska grinned, "Steves, seize her!"

"I'm sorry it had to come to this, Vriska." Rose said, Egyptian military men surrounding her.

"An Egyptian standoff. The second most racist standoff of them allllllll." Vriska said.

"I paid a lot of money for soldiers who use _visible_ guns," Rose said, "So hand over the Millennium Rod and come quietly, Vriska, or else."

"Hey, Steve," Vriska smirked.

All of the men answered, "Yes?" The Rod glowed and they all collapsed around the two.

"What the-"

"And that was your first mistake, Rose." Vriska said, "Everyone knows that the 'Steve' ratio in the Egyptian militia is absuuuuuuuurdly high."

_**=YU-GI-OH=**_

"It looks like Sollux will collapse at any moment." Dave stated the obvious, his theme music playing.

"No!" Jade shook her head, "All we have to do is believe in him with all of our might and he'll be okay!" She started leading a chant of:

"Believe! Believe! Believe!"

Gamzee and Jane had joined in. Even Dave started to quietly mutter it. Dammit, it was like an occult. 0_0

"What the frig is this bullshit?" Vriska said, freaked out.

Sollux collapsed.

There was silence before Jade slowly turned to everyone. "Okay, which one of y'all mothafuckers didn't _believe_ hard enough?"

"What was that?" Jake spoke up, "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What were we doing?"

"Jake, you just made Sollux lose a card game." Jade deadpanned.

"No I didn't."

"YES YOU DID."

Meanwhile, Dirk was happy that he didn't have to give his company to Jane and Jane was sad that she couldn't make confectionary mixes and rule the world.

"You just cost me _my own company_, you son of a bitch!" Jane shook Sollux angrily.

* * *

**There we go! Review~**


	4. Soul Eater

**:3 Soul Eater time! Enjoy!**

**Cast **

**Soul 'Eater' Evans – Dave Strider**

**Maka Albarn – Jade Harley**

**Black*Star – Vriska Sekret**

**Tsubaki Nakatsukasa – Kanaya Maryam**

**Death the Kid – Sollux Captor**

**Liz Thompson – Jake English**

**Patty Thompson – John Egbert**

**Dr. Stein - Dirk**

**Witch Medusa – Witch Rose **

**Crona – Tavros **

**Excalibur - Eridan**

* * *

_**=[99 SOULS]=**_

Jade got a bad feeling from the old church. She had a feeling that she shouldn't open the doors… But how could fifty or so human souls just disappear like that? There was nothing but the soul of a weapon and meister.

Jade opened the doors.

In the middle was a lone boy, looking nervous and shaken. He didn't look like anyone she had seen at the DWMA… He muttered, "See…? The doors only open inwards…"

"He's all alone," Dave furrowed his eyebrows, "What happened to his partner?"

"That…" Jade's eyes widened, "That can't be right…"

"What?" Dave was, unfortunately, quite confused by these events. However, he kept his cool.

'_It seems two more have come, Lady Rose…'_ A voice called out.

"Shhh, Rufioh," The boy whispered, "Keep it down…"

"The souls of a weapon and meister are right in front of us, meaning…" Jade took a breath, "There's a weapon _inside his body_."

"What? What do you mean, Jade?" Dave demanded. This sounded far too ridiculous. A weapon merged with a meister… "There's a weapon in that guy?" Noticing Jade's signal, he quickly reverted to scythe form.

"Be careful…" Jade anticipated, clutching the handle in her hands tightly, "It's coming out."

The boy was still before he started clutching his head. He started to scream, something seeming to crawl under the skin of his back before it burst out. It was at first a mass of black before it solidified and became the top half of a person. Rufioh started to beat on his meister…?

"No, stop!" The boy yelped, "Don't pinch my nose, you'll leave a bruise! I SAID ENOUGH!" Rufioh backed off, waving his hands in a placating manner.

'_No, calm down! You're so scary when you're high strung, Tavros…' _

"Don't you know that the eating of human souls is forbidden?" Jade barked.

"But she said it was okay to eat them…" Tavros said, fidgeting a bit, "So… I don't see anything wrong with that…" A bit of orange rose to his cheeks and he kicked his foot into the ground, "I, um, I'm not good when talking w-with girls…"

'_Never mind that. Her soul looks tasty…'_

Tavros held a hand in the air and a black bladed sword appeared. He looked up at the two and attacked. Jade quickly parried the blow, using the momentum to flip over Tavros's head and stab at him.

"Why, you…!" Jade delivered a quick slap to his face. Tavros looked up at Jade with sad eyes.

"You're poking at me too…?" Tavros was quickly thrown to the ground, the scythe's blade close to him. Dave smirked from the blade's reflection. Jade attempted to cut the boy in half.

Tavros stood up, smiling. "You'll never cut me in half… with a stroke like that."

Jade stared at the blood dripping from the wound, "Black blood…?"

"Yes. My blood is black." Tavros said, blushing a bit from the close intimacy with her.

"**Tavros, why are you taking it so easy?**" Rose asked from his mind.

"W-well, I'm not sure how I'm s-supposed to, um, treat girls…" Tavros said nervously.

Rose chuckled a bit. "**How silly. You should **_**kill**_** them.**"

"Who's he talking to?" Dave questioned.

"Ohhhhhh?" Tavros suddenly grinned, "I can KILL them, can I?" He started to speak louder, sounding more deranged, "I didn't REALIZE that! Don't you want me to play with their hair by winding it around my finger? These doors open INWARD, you know!" He suddenly calmed down and brought his sword close to himself. "Rufioh. Scream Resonance." The sword grew a mouth and grinned. A horrible screeching filled the church.

Tavros attacked yet again, more confident in his fighting. Jade brought Dave up to guard and heard him scream out in pain. The vibrations of the sword were making him bleed. "Dave! Why, you!" Jade kicked Tavros away before jumping back. "Are you okay, Dave?"

Dave clutched his shoulder through the reflection on the scythe. "Don't worry about it. I'm prepared to die for my meister." Jade wondered what she could do. She couldn't guard and she couldn't fight him…

She tried to abscond. _I screwed up…_ She furiously dodged all of Tavros's attacks, trying to simultaneously keep Dave out of harm's way.

"Jade, hurry up and attack!" Dave called from the weapon. Jade shook her head. If she did that, then Dave… Jade was backed up against the door. She furiously threw herself at it, nearly crying when she saw that it wouldn't budge.

"Why, why?!"

"Weren't you listening?" Tavros asked, raising his sword, "_These doors only open inwards…_"

"Jade, _**hurry up and guard!**_" Dave commanded.

"No! If I do that, you'll be…!" Jade waited for the blade. It swung down.

Dave transformed into human form at the last moment, a deep gash running through his chest, a fatal wound that would surely kill him. Blood flew as Dave defended Jade in the end.

_I screwed up…_

_**=[99 SOULS]=**_

"Look!" Vriska jumped down from her perch, reveling in the attention she was getting. "Kanaya got a neeeeeeeew form!" Little noises of puzzlement and amazement came from the two other teams in the room. Gamzee lazily smiled while Professor Dirk watched with interest.

"Kanaya, Enchanted Sword mode."

"Right." Kanaya quickly changed into weapon form, a beautifully shining white blade. Vriska smirked.

"With this…" Vriska swung Kanaya around a bit, grinning, "We'll be unbeatabl-"

_**THUD**_

Kanaya was very suddenly dropped when Vriska collapsed on the floor. "Dammit, Fussyfangs… You sucked the soul wavelength right out of my body…"

"Whoops?"

_**=[99 SOULS]=**_

"Is that it?" Vriska looked curiously.

"Yes. There's no doubt about it." Sollux said, "That's the Holy Sword Eridan."

Both trolls approached the golden hilt of the sword, inscribed with royal violet swirls. The gleaming white blade shone in the light above. Vriska examined the sword. "Awesome."

"It says that the one who draws the blade will gain glory forever more." Sollux said. "Besides, look at it. Such precisely detailed ornamentation, and I don't see a single nick in the blade. This is indeed worthy of the name Holy Sword!" His eyes sparkled behind his glasses, "It's so symmetrical! It's perfect for my hand-"

_Shing_

"Oh, cooooooool! I drew it!" Vriska grinned, holding the sword triumphantly. "Yaaaaaaaay! I'm the hero!"

"W-what?!" Sollux was shocked and disgusted. "I-I want a do-over!"

"Greetings, young ones…" The sword glowed, floating right out of Vriska's hand. "Forgive the belated salutations. I am Eridan!" In a flash of light and adventure music, a hipster sea troll stood before them.

"How incredibly…" Vriska started, looking at him, "gaaaaaaaay…"

_**=[99 SOULS]=**_

"So, I got this prescription from Jade in the hallway." Dirk said, turning the screw in his skull. "I must admit, I've never heard of it."

"Oh…?" Rose smiled sheepishly, "It's an herbal medicine I created myself, you know!" _How much does he know? Should I kill him?_ One of her many snakes twitched in response. "I guess now my secret's out!"

"What exactly does it do?" Dirk asked.

"It helps with blood circulation, dilating the bloodstream." _I'm not lying. Black blood works much in the same way as regular blood. It will do exactly that._

"Why are you so interested in Dave and Jade?" Dirk looked at her suspiciously.

"Well, they've been through a lot lately…" Rose frowned with practiced concern. "I only want to help them."

"Do you want to help them because you care for them…" Dirk glared at her, "_or because you're a witch_?" Rose bowed her head, her eyes shadowed. It was an eerie and tense silence. Rose looked like she wanted to kill him. Suddenly, the tension disappeared. Rose turned away with a flustered look.

"Why would you _accuse_ me of that?!" Rose exclaimed, "I should file a lawsuit! That's sexual harassment!"

"If you want to charge _anyone_ with sexual harassment, don't pick the prude!" Dirk laughed before rolling away. Well, he attempted to. He fell backwards over the threshold of the door. Rose sweat dropped.

_**=[99 SOULS]=**_

"Bro, do you see?"John asked Jake from their weapon form.

"Yeah. He's just like how we were." Jake whispered, starting to flashback.

FLASHBACK

"Give it all to us, old man!" Jake held his brother up to the man's head.

"No, please don't shoot!"

"I'll take that!" John had reverted to human form, grabbing a now revolver Jake and stealing the man's money.

_We stole all we wanted. We were born as weapons and loved the power that came with it… We thought we owned New York. Of course, then Sollux found us…_

END FLASHBACK

"Uh, Jake, get your head out of the clouds. That's not what I meant." John said.

"Huh?" Jake asked.

"Is the demon sword a boy or a girl? I can't tell." John asked.

_**=[99 SOULS]=**_

* * *

**You heard it here, folks! John isn't sure what gender Tavros is!**

**Review?**


	5. Alice in Wonderland

**HUGE FUCKING QUESTION YOU HAVE TO ANSWER PLEASE: If I were to write a parody of one of my books, would you read it? Like, I'm writing a book called _Puppet Misteress_, so , if it had Homestuck characters, would you read it?**

**Oh my God, I know, I know! You want Percy Jackson. I'm almost done reading the Lightning Thief. Calm your tits. :/ **

**Instead, you get this parody because why the hell not. Cast list (with no regard to gender)**

**Alice – Dave**

**Alice's sister – Bro**

**The rabbit – John **

**The Caterpillar – Terezi**

**The Queen of Hearts – Karkat in a dress**

**Cheshire Cat – Rose the neko**

* * *

_**=Curiouser and curiouser…=**_

Dave was bored out of his mind. He glanced at his Bro, who was sewing a smuppet whist wearing a frilly Lolita dress, and sighed dramatically. Bro looked up at Dave and set the smuppet down, smoothing out the pale orange fabric of the dress. "What is it, lil' man?"

"I'm boooooooorrreeed." Dave drawled. Bro looked at him for a few seconds before shoving something into his hands. Dave looked down in disgust. "No. I'm not wearing this." He held up the light red dress with the frilly white apron, stockings and a freaking hair bow _with a heart._ Bro looked at him.

"At least wear the apron." Dave glared at his Bro. "Do it or Lil Cal is sleeping in your room tonight." Dave grumbled under his breath but tied the frilly white apron around his waist. He stared off into space before he spotted a boy with messy black hair.

Now that he thought about it, he was seeing John. And John was sporting giant white rabbit ears. John checked his watch, muttering, "Oh no, oh no, I'm late, I'm oh so late! He'll have my head for sure!"

Dave decided to follow the boy as he ran off. He had nothing better to do anyway. Dave calmly walked after the scurrying bunny boy before seeing him jump down a hole. Dave didn't even think about any consequences. He just jumped down after him. As he fell slowly down the hole, passing by a bunch of random crap, he then realized:

"_How the hell am I in this dress?"_ That's right. He was somehow wearing the red dress from before, the skirt somehow an inch shorter, and wearing that same frilly apron. He felt the back of his head, feeling the pink hair ribbon. "Oh fuck."

_**=Curiouser and curiouser…=**_

"My, my, what does little Alice want with this troll?" The girl grinned as she put the piece of red chalk in her mouth.

"My name isn't fucking Alice." Dave said, exasperated, "Why does everyone keep calling me that?"

"I don't fucking know," The girl shrugged, "My name is Terezi. And, if you aren't Alice, then who are you?"

Dave stared at her blankly. "…" It took him a while to remember. Stupid authoresses with their stupid bouts of random amnesia. "Dave Fucking Strider."

"Are you sure? Who's to say that you aren't Alice, Mr. Cherry Scent?" Terezi raised an eyebrow.

"…" Dave thought for a moment. He was in Wonderland, chasing after John with bunny ears, and now was three inches tall. And he was still wearing the god damned dress. "You know what, fuck you."

_**=Curiouser and curiouser…=**_

Dave was at the intersection where the road went either left of right. He suddenly saw that damn cat girl sitting leisurely in the tree, swinging her legs back and forth as her tail wrapped around the branch. Rose noticed him and smirked, showing the barest hint of sharp teeth. Dave called up to her, "Which way should I go?"

Rose tilted her head, "That depends where you want to go," Rose said lightly, examining her claws.

"I don't care where, though." Dave said.

"Well then, it doesn't matter which way you go." Rose answered, her ears swiveling at any sound.

"Then, who else is here?" Dave asked.

"That way," Rose pointed down the right road, "there's the Mad Hatter. That way," She pointed down the other way, "is a March Hare. They're both quite mad."

"I don't want to be around crazies." Dave deadpanned.

"Oh?" Rose smiled, showing off two rows of perfectly sharp, white teeth. "But, dear David, we're all quite mad here. I'm mad. You're 'crazy', as you put it."

"How do you know I'm 'mad'?" Dave said, making air quotations.

"You must be," Rose said confidently, "You came _here_, didn't you? Will you play croquet with the Queen?"

"Probably. I'll just crash the party, make it one hundred percent more swag filled. I wasn't invited for some reason. They must have forgotten." Dave shrugged.

"I'll see you there." With that, Rose vanished.

_**=Curiouser and curiouser…=**_

"Let the jury consider the verdict." The King commanded. Queen Karkat huffed, smoothing down his red gown.

"No, let the fucking sentencing begin. The verdict can come later!" Gog, he loved being in charge.

"The punishment before the verdict? Wow, you're a bunch of dumbasses." Dave said.

Karkat glared at him, standing up and straightening the crown on his head. His royal Queen of Hearts dress swished around him, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU NOOKWHIFF! I AM YOUR QUEEN!"

"I won't shut up." Dave said petulantly, straightening his frilly apron.

"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" Karkat shouted, pointing at Dave.

Dave, who had grown to his full height, "No one cares about you, Karkitty." That's when the pack of cards started to attack Dave, which somehow hurt him.

_**=Curiouser and curiouser…=**_

Bro shook Dave awake. "Dave, Dave, come on. Time to go home. Our irony for the day has been fulfilled." Dave opened his eyes and looked at Bro. He then looked at the frilly as fuck apron around his waist, threw it down, and stomped on it.

"FUCK YOUR FRILLY APRON AND EVERYTHING IT STANDS FOR."

* * *

**And that was Alice in Wonderland, the original by Lewis Carol. Did you know that it's been proven the Lewis Carol was high on acid when he wrote Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass? High writing = instant classic. **

**Review~**


	6. One Missed Call (Horror-Trigger Warning)

**Welcome to the first horror movie parody chapter! Have fun reading… Warning! Character death and insanity ahead, as well as spoilers!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Missed Call or Homestuck.**

**Cast (with no regard to gender)**

**Yumi – Rose**

**Yamashita – Kanaya**

**Yoko – Jade**

**Kenji – Dave**

**Natsumi – John**

**Marie – Dolorosa**

**Mimiko – Vriska (Child)**

**Nanako – Terezi (Child)**

* * *

_**=You have one new voicemail.=**_

"Who's afraid of looking through peep holes?" Dave shoved Rose in the shoulder. Rose glared at him.

"I'm not afraid of looking through them," Rose scoffed, "I'm afraid that there's something on the other side."

"We've actually been studying this, remember?" Jade spoke up, "It could be from some past childhood trauma…"

"Jade, no! Psychoanalysis is Rose's job!" John said.

"What's she going to do?" Jade snorted, "Psychoanalyze _herself?_" That's when Jade's phone started ringing. It sounded like a child's music box. Jade and Rose looked at each other before Jade picked it up.

'_You have one new message!'_

Jade looked in confusion. "It's from my own number… and it's dated two days from now, at eleven oh four…"

"Here, let me listen too," Rose said, jostling for the phone. Jade held it up so both could hear. On the other line was Jade's voice.

"_Why is it so rainy?" Jade sighed before she suddenly screamed. _

Jade nearly dropped the phone. She and Rose shared a look, before Rose just shook her head. "It's probably just a joke…" Jade nodded, but she looked uncertain.

_**=You have one new voicemail.=**_

Dave ran a hand through his hair before handing Rose his phone, "Does this sounds like my voice?" Rose opened it and listened.

"_Shit," Dave was saying, "I always forget…" There was silence before he screamed._

Rose looked in shock at Dave. "I got the call dated _today._"

"It could be nothing…" Rose replied weakly.

"Nothing?" Dave glared, "If it's nothing, why is Jade dead? And how the hell could she be conscious through falling underneath _a train and getting her arm severed?_ This isn't normal."

"Calm down, cool kid. It'll be fine." Rose tried to reassure him. One of his classmates passed by.

"Hey Dave, aren't you coming? Study group's starting." The girl said.

"Shit," Dave cursed, "I always forget…" His eyes widened and he and Rose shared a look. A sound came from behind him, from the elevator. Dave slowly walked towards it as the door opened, revealing an empty shaft. As he got near the edge, he suddenly fell.

Rose slowly sank to the ground as she heard the same scream as the voicemail.

As Dave hacked, blood spilling from his broken body, a small piece of red candy spilled from his mouth.

_**=You have one new voicemail.=**_

John breathed heavily feeling the dark energy. He started to seize, trying to breathe as unbelievable pain wracked his body. He screamed as his head twisted around.

Kanaya held Rose back as John's decapitated head fell from his still moving body. The body fell and John opened his mouth, a piece of red candy rolling to Rose's feet.

"We're too late…" Rose shook her head slowly. Then she heard the ringtone. She looked at John's phone and her heart dropped.

_Rose Lalonde._

She ended up missing the call. She shakily put the phone to her ear, listening.

"… _Why…?" Rose whispered._

_**=You have one new voicemail.=**_

Kanaya noticed something on Rose's arm with shock. "Rose, are those burns?!" Rose tried to hide her arm from her. "Rose, please, let me see… Did your mother do this to you?"

Rose shook, remembering. It was all her fault…

"_Rose, go get your sister." Rose nodded and walked towards her room. _

"_Roxy! Roxy, Mom wants you!" Rose knocked on the door. Curious because of the lack of response, she looked through the peephole. _

_She screamed and turned away. Her mother was behind her and she burned her with her cigarette. "Rose, you have to look. Look what you've done."_

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Rose cried, being forced to look at her sister's corpse hanging from the noose. _

"_You deserve to be hurt." Her mother had beaten her that day, yelling at her for killing Roxy. _

"Rose!" Kanaya called as Rose started to push her away, sobbing. Kanaya pulled against her struggling form and crushed Rose to her chest. Rose sniffled, crying against her.

_**=You have one new voicemail.=**_

"She's mute." The woman told Kanaya, "She won't talk." Kanaya nodded and approached the little girl with the vacant gaze and knelt.

"Terezi, do you know where your mother is?" Terezi looked up at the stranger and back down to her stuffed dragon. She held a stethoscope to where the dragon's heart would be.

"Is Pyralspite sick?" The woman asked, looking at Terezi. Terezi nodded. Terezi pressed the dragon's stomach and a very familiar tune played. Kanaya froze. It was the ringtone that all of those who died heard. It was the ringtone that Rose had heard the day before…

_**=You have one new voicemail.=**_

Kanaya's eyes widened as she looked at this new footage.

_The little girl, Vriska, had approached Terezi. Terezi looked up and screamed as Vriska burned her arm with the lighter. "Don't worry; I'll get you to a hospital." Dolorosa ran into the room to see Terezi on the ground in pain and Vriska hurting her. _

"_It was you the entire time…" Dolorosa shook her head before taking Terezi into her arms and leaving Vriska in the locked room. Vriska started to cough, wheezing. _

"_Mama!" She yelled, "Mama, help! I can't breathe! Mama…" She fell to the ground, wheezing and reaching for her inhaler. Unfortunately the asthma got the best of her and she fell limp. _

"It wasn't her mother that hurt her…" Kanaya whispered.

Terezi entered the room, holding her dragon in one arm and a bag in the other. "She always gave me my favorite red candy…" Terezi said, shocking everyone in the room, "And said 'get better soon'." She popped the piece of red candy into her mouth.

_**=You have one new voicemail.=**_

"…Why…?" Rose whispered, looking at the little girl in front of her.

"Why?" Vriska mimicked, holding the knife. Rose screamed.

Kanaya barged in, looking around for Rose. "Rose? Rose, are you okay?!" Rose turned to her, giving a small tilt of the head.

"Of course I am," Rose replied, "Why wouldn't I be?" Kanaya sighed with relief and hugged Rose. Rose hugged back smiling. Suddenly, Kanaya felt a sharp pain in her stomach. She looked down…

Rose had stabbed her.

Kanaya looked in a nearby mirror. Standing in Rose's place was a Vriska. Kanaya collapsed, looking up at Rose.

"I'll take you to the hospital." Rose said, eyes blank. She knelt and kissed Kanaya, transferring a piece of red candy into her mouth. Kanaya chewed it, looking up at her.

_"Get better soon."_

* * *

**Words cannot express how much I love this movie. Review, I guess? Yay for character death!**


	7. Smosh (DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Smosh or Homestuck. If I owned either, I'd be a rich girl. A very, very rich girl indeed.**

**Cast unavailable. Sketches will be fitted with whatever characters I feel like.**

* * *

_Good _**VS **_**SUPRISINGLY GOOD=**_

~Rollerblading~

John flailed as he attempted to stay upright. He soon tripped over a pebble and fell flat on his face, a rollerblade falling off his left foot. Karkat laughed from off screen.

**GOOD**

~Rollerblading _**WITH TRAINING WHEELS**_~

John grinned like an idiot as he rolled by, not even tripping over that pebble. Karkat sighed as the derp gave a thumbs up.

**SURPRISINGLY GOOD**

~Uploading videos~

John and Dave stared at the screen with disinterest written on their faces. John poked Dave's shoulder before pointing at the screen. "Hey, upload that video."

"Mkay." Dave, with his chin propped in one hand, pressed the mouse.

Both gave a bored and monotonous, "Yaaaaaay." Before attempting to high five. They missed each other's hands and ended up hitting each other in the face.

**GOOD**

~Uploading videos _**WITH NORWEGIAN BLACK METAL**_~

Both Dave and John, now decked out in gnarly black wigs, face paint and black leather, played electric guitars. John turned to Dave, "UpLoAd ThE vIdEo!"

"OkAy!" Dave punched the mouse and once the video was done uploading, the computer burst into flames. The two rocked out as the fire kept burning.

I never started the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning!

**SURPRISINGLY GOOD**

~Walking your dog~

John derped as he walked down the street, holding the leash, "I like walking dogs."

"But I'm not a dog!" Jade whined, tugging at the collar around her neck.

"If you stick around until the next segment and bark, I'll give you a treat." John said, holding up the Scooby snack.

"… Woof." Jade reluctantly barked, dog ears folding down in shame.

**GOOD**

~Dog _**WALKING YOU**_~

John yipped, happily chasing after a cat that looked suspiciously like Jaspers. Jade patted his head, "Good human!" She threw him a piece of chocolate.

"OMNOMNOMNOM."

**SURPRISINGLY GOOD**

~Taking a girl on a date~

Dave snapped himself awake as his date kept blabbering on. Jade just continued talking, not noticing his lack of attention, "And then you can find the same physics if you look at the nuclear fusion in the sun's center-"

**GOOD**

~Taking a _**ROBOT**_ on a date~

"So, what are you going to eat?" Dave asked.

"I'm a robot. I can't eat." Aradia-bot sighed.

Dave fist pumped the air and accidentally knocked over the porcelain plate, yelling, "Hell yes! Cheap date!"

**SURPRISINGLY GOOD**

~Waking up~

Dave stared at the ceiling, brooding. "Fuck you, mornings. You mock my pain."

**GOOD**

~Waking up _**WITH YOUR CLONE**_~

Dave and Davesprite both glared at the ceiling. "Fuck you, mornings. You still mock our pain."

"At least you have legs." Davesprite muttered.

**SURPRISINGLY GOOD**

~Pogo-sticking~

John laughed as he bounced on his pogo-hammer. "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee~"

**GOOD**

~Pogo-sticking _**IN A CHICKEN SUIT, DOING A TRIPLE BACK FLIP OVER THE GRAND CANYON WHILE SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM BACKWARDS**_~

"WHAT?" John whimpered as he looked down the ravine and into the water far below, wearing a chicken suit, "I can't do THAT!"

_Fine. Pogo-sticking over, I dunno, a hairbrush?_

"That's better." John pulled the hat over his head and pogo-sticked over the hairbrush, grinning like an idiot.

**SURPRISINGLY GOOD**

~Doing the Harlem Shake~

"NO." Dave and John yelled simultaneously, glaring at the reader.

~Playing a racing game~

Dave and John played Mario Kart, with John winning. Dave growled, "Blue shells are the coward's cheat code."

"Hehe." John giggled, "I like racing games."

**GOOD**

~Playing a racing game _**IN YOUR HEAD**_~

John, with eyes closed, made little car noises with his mouth as he pretended to drive. He seemed to speed up and he laughed, "Now this is INTENSE!"

Dave stared at his friend, wondering just when he had gone off the deep end.

"I'm going SO FAST in my MIIIIIIND!" John laughed even harder as Dave awkwardly scooted away.

**SURPRISINGLY GOOD**

~Snowboarding~

Dave looked on in disinterest as he snowboarded down a slope. He gave a bored, "Wheeeeee."

**GOOD**

~_**LAVABOARDING**_~

Dave looked in disinterest as he boarded down the slope of an erupting volcano. He gave another bored, "Wheeeeee. I'm on fucking lava."

**SURPRISINGLY TERRIBLE DESCRIPTION**

**I MEAN**

**SURPRISINGLY GOOD!**

~Dating a cute girl~

"This is going to be such a fun picnic!" John said, taking one of Vriska's hands in his own. Vriska smiled at him as they prepared to exit the dream bubble.

"Yeah, I gueeeeeeeess it will be!"

~Dating a cute _**DEAD**_ girl~

As they exited the dream bubble, Vriska screamed and disappeared. John stared in shock before smiling, "Wait… Now I'm finally SINGLE! YES!"

**SURPRISINGLY SINGLE, READY TO MINGLE**

~Dancing with a dog~

Dave and Jade waltzed a bit. Dave gave a little smirk, "You're a pretty good dancer, Harley."

"Thanks!" Jade blushed.

**GOOD**

~Dancing with a _**UNICORN**_~

Dave stared blankly as he rode on the back of a sweaty blue unicorn with the Sagittarius symbol on its flanks with a broken horn and a top hat danced. As the rainbow behind him grew brighter, he facepalmed, "This makes no sense."

**SURPRISINGLY GOOD**

"Okay, I think that was a good take." Dave said, voice still stuck on high pitched.

"Why's your voice still like that?" John asked, voice also stuck on high.

"WHY IS _YOUR_ VOICE STILL LIKE THAT?!" And with that, Dave and John started to flip their shits, flipping the table and destroying their little recording studio, screaming all the while.

_**= If scary movies were real…=**_

"Why do people even like zombie movieth?" Sollux asked, raising an eyebrow at the screen.

"Because they're fun to watch!" Aradia replied, keeping her eyes on the screen.

"What'th tho fun?" Sollux asked, "Watching corptheths get their heads blown off?"

"Yeah," Aradia nodded, "Imagine how stupid scary movies would be if they were realistic…"

_**Saw**_

"Ow!" Dave shuddered, trying to ignore Lil Cal on the screen. He then noticed something about Bro's bloody corpse. "Why is that dead guy still breathing?"

Bro hit the ground with his fist, "DAMMIT."

_**Signs**_

"Die, alien!" Roxy threw a cup of water on Terezi.

Terezi cackled, "Heehee! You think my weakness is _water_? You humans are stupider than I thought! Hehehe!" Roxy made a face.

_**Psycho**_

_This has been censored due to the T rating and Eridan._

_**Anaconda**_

John derped, trying to escape the grasp of a rubber snake.

_**Chucky "Child's Play"**_

"John!" Dave ran into the room, panicking, "Lil Cal is trying to kill me!" So they both ran to Dave's room, Dave hiding behind John the whole time.

"Are you kidding me?" John sighed as he looked at the motionless puppet.

"_Die bitch!_" Lil Cal propelled himself at John's face and attacked. Dave screamed and absconded.

_**Pitch Black**_

**There is nothing here but darkness. **

_**The Ring**_

Rose was watching a movie when her phone rang. She picked up, "Hello? Rose Lalonde speaking."

"_Seven days…"_ The person hung up. Rose just looked at her call history and sighed.

"Oh hell no," She called the number back, "Pardon me, but you just called me."

"_No I didn't."_

"Yes, you did." Rose glared at nothing in particular.

_**Sex and the City**_

A WILD EDWARD CULLEN APPEARS!

_**Scream (Or any slasher movie)**_

Jade screamed as the killer chased after her with a knife. She nearly cried as she was cornered against a locked door. The killer laughed before Jade facepalmed, pulling out her rifle and shooting. "That was easy."

"Yeah, I gueth that'd be pretty thoopid." Sollux agreed.

"Told you," Aradia said.

"Well, I have to go," Sollux said, getting up. Two blank eyed people stumbled in, moaning. Sollux screamed and zapped one with his psiichonic powers. "Die zombieth!"

Aradia threw chips at the remaining one and scolded Sollux, "Those weren't zombies! They're just really, really high!"

"Wait… That meanth…" Sollux froze.

"Yeah, you just killed Gamzee." Aradia put a hand on his shoulder, "You're going to troll prison."

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed~**


	8. Hetalia (Revised cast w longer chapter)

**A/N: I love Hetalia. This was just… Yes. This has been edited! Now includes more scenes and Beautiful World.**

**Italy - Nepeta (Adorable? You bet!)**

**Germany – Karkat (Makes sense.)**

**Japan – Kanaya**

**America – John**

**England – Rose (ALL OF THE YES.)**

**France – Eridan (Perverts… UNITE!)**

**China – Jane (For lack of better person)**

**Russia – Gamzee **

**Hungary – Aradia**

**Austria – Sollux **

**Lichtenstein – Dirk (younger)**

**Switzerland – Dave**

**Seychelles - Jade**

* * *

Jane and Gamzee stood on the edge of the plane. Jane put on her own parachute before handing one to Gamzee. "Here. You'll need this."

Gamzee smiled at her and dropped the parachute. "I'll be fine. The snow is really soft, so it'll break my fall."

"_What?!_" Jane asked in shock. "Are you mad?"

"I'm Russia. I know everything about snow." Gamzee jumped, laughing. He yelled, "_**SOPOOOOOOOoooorrr…**_"

**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**

"Good luck. You'll need it." Karkat sighed.

"Please refrain from touching me." Kanaya muttered, shying away from the touch.

"Come on, Kanaya!" Nepeta said excitedly. "There's _lots_ and _lots_ of sights I want you to see!" Nepeta quickly bounded off, Kanaya following her. Karkat watched after the two.

"Well, it's good that Maryam's finally taking a break."

**Later… **

"Hm?" Karkat turned around, spotting Kanaya. "Well, did you have fu…?"

Kanaya had her eyes closed with a wide, dopey smile on her face. "Yeah! The food was great and the art was magnificent! Ve~ the fashion was wonderful too!"

Karkat slowly turned to Nepeta before yelling, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER?!"

"AH!" Nepeta screamed, "I didn't do anything wrong! I just took him to see some art and get some food!"

Kanaya flailed in the background, yelling '_Pastaaaa~_'

_Either Nepeta is infectious or Kanaya is easily influenced._

_But no matter where he goes, Karkat will be Karkat._

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu=**_

It seems that Rose had had _waaaaaay_ too many drinks. Her head was down on the table, a glass of rum in her hand. She muttered, "A-Am I Catholic? Or Protestant? God, I don't know…"

The bartender looked at her worriedly. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine!" John said cheerfully, "She's always like this when she drinks!"

"You don't know me!" Rose yelled at John drunkenly, turning to face him. "I'm the United bloody Kingdom and I can hold my lacquer better than YOU any day!"

"Dude, calm down." John tried to placate the wasted girl.

"SHUT UP! I thought we could _bond_ over our mutual hatred for Eridan but NOOOOOO," Rose yelled, "All I wanted to do was tell you what to do but you didn't want to even though I know what to do this is total BOLLOCKS-"

**The next day**

Rose groaned from under the blanket. "Ugh… Why won't the light just shut up? I swear, I'm never going to drink again!"

"Girl can party." John told Eridan, who just rolled his eyes.

"Idiots."

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

Aradia nervously gripped her frying pan in her hand, biting her lip. "Ohhhh, how am I supposed to _do_ this?" She mumbled to herself as Eridan passed by, whistling. "If you can't give into temptation because Satan said so, is it really right to hit him because God told me to? I mean, he may be a douche, but he's still a person…"

Eridan excitedly watched Sollux from the window. "Ah, he's playing piano!" Sollux sat at his piano, a look of concentration on his face as he made beautiful music. "He's so _handsome_… If his house wasn't so far and he wasn't such a dick, I'd make him a French territory in a heartbeat!"

Aradia quietly growled as she crept up to Eridan.

"Just look at that face…" Eridan sighed, "I want to _lick it_…"

'_Jeez, God,_' Aradia thought in her head, '_Thanks for the easy decision!_' She raised her frying pan.

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

"I have a plan!" John spoke up. The other Allies turned to look at him. "Rose will go in suicidal!"

"Wha…?"

"Jane and Eridan will be my back-up!"

"Uh…"

"Gamzee will direct all the cannons away from me!"

"What the bloody hell will _you_ do?" Rose scowled at him.

"That's simple…" John grinned, winking, "I'm the hero!"

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

"_Oh god, I'm going to die…" _

_Rain poured in ribbons down his face, plastering blonde hair to his forehead. Orange eyes squinted through the dark, threatening to close. He leaned himself against the stone building, his tattered trousers scratching uncomfortably against his legs. "I wanted to be a country… Just a bit longer…"_

"_Hey!" _

_Dirk looked up to see another boy, a bit older than himself, looking at him with red eyes. "Do you need help, there?" _

_Dirk just blacked out._

_The next morning, when he woke, he found himself in a comfortable bed, night clothes on his body. He was terrified, waking up in a place he never saw before. Looking on the table at his bedside, he saw an outfit. After pulling it on, he wandered downstairs. A meal was laid before him._

_Like any starving child, he began to eat._

"_Is it good?" The man from before walked in, watching him scarf down the food. _

"_Yeah," Dirk answered in between bites. He paused, looking up at the man. Who was he again? "Switzerland, is it?"_

"_Just call me Dave," The man waved it off. _

"_Aren't you going to eat?" Dirk asked. _

_Dave just shook his head, "Nah, I ate earlier. Keep eating, little man. You need the strength."_ It wasn't until years later when Dirk found out the real truth.

Dave had starved himself to feed his adoptive brother.

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

"We can form an alliance!" Nepeta proposed, stepping through the window, "We'll be furends!"

"… Friends…?" Karkat muttered, eyes furrowing at the foreign prospect.

"Yeah! You'll be strong and protect me and we'll have each others backs!" Nepeta nodded.

Karkat gave a small smile, holding a hand out to the cat girl, "Yeah… I'd like that." As they each wrapped an arm around each other in a friendly hug, Karkat suddenly asked, "Um… We don't have to kiss, do we?"

"Nope!" Nepeta answered cheerfully, "Unless you want to."

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

Jade sighed, watching the Allies and Axis duke it out on the "uninhabited" island. "Don't those idiots see that there's civilization right behind them? I get the weirdest people in my backyard, I swear…"

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

"Why the fuck would you try to attack _Egypt,_ of all places?" Karkat sighed, slinging Nepeta over his shoulder. As he walked away, Nepeta reached down and patted something.

"Ohhh! It's nice and soft!" Nepeta giggled before realizing, "Oh wait, it's just Karkitty's butt…"

"Could you fucking stop that?" Karkat sighed.

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

"I hate you, stars," Rose muttered, glaring up at the sky as if it would do anything, "You mock my pain."

"Rose! Rose!" Rose turned to see Kanaya rushing up the hills towards her.

"Kanaya?" Rose's eyes widened.

"I'm here…" Kanaya panted, finally stopping in front of her.

"Shouldn't you be hanging out with Gamzee or something?" Rose raised her voice, tears coming to her eyes, "I mean, you're friends now, right?!"

"No, my boss acted without asking me!" Kanaya explained. "I never wanted to cease our friendship…"

"Oh…" Rose said softly, "Well, now I feel silly for raising my voice…"

"Apology accepted. Shall we sign an alliance?" Kanaya held out a hand.

Rose shook it. "Yes! I'd love that!"

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

"I'm home…" Jane sighed, head hanging, "Hooray…"

"Oh, hello Jane." Gamzee smiled, stuffing his face, "You weren't here, so I started eating without you."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Jane yelled, "GET OUT!"

_After Jane lost the Opium Wars, her nation looked like a marble. Rose was busy selling the gateway drug and Jane didn't want any. Silly Jane! In a war on drugs, drugs always win!_

_Then Gamzee started coming closer and closer like the slow terror that he is. It must have been really scary… Hang in there, Jane!_

"Leave my friend alone!" Kanaya growled at Gamzee.

"Ahhhhh!" Gamzee cried.

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

"Hello~ Sollux!" Aradia waved, her crisp white uniform glinting in the light.

"Aradia? What are you doing here?" Sollux asked.

"I have brought _ten_ _thousand_ soldiers as reinforcement!" Aradia proclaimed proudly, "I'm here to win the war!"

"But Aradia, you shouldn't…" Sollux then noticed the menacing aura around her.

"_He took Sollux's vital regions… His vital regions… He must die! Die! I will kill him myself and rip out his throat! Die!"_

"Uhhh…"

In the end, Aradia had beaten the Prussian forces to a pulp.

_That is one gutsy broad. I__like__** her.**_

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

"No, Karkitty! Please don't take him!" Karkat pushed past Nepeta, only to be held onto by Aradia.

"You can't take him!" Aradia whined, "He's too pretty for you anyway!" Nepeta joined Aradia in holding him back. Soon though, Karkat broke free and kicked the door in.

"Sollux! You will come to my fucking house as a prisoner! We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but either way," Karkat glared, "the only choice is to submit to my manliness!"

Sollux glanced up at him before standing up, closing his book. "While I like the hard way… Nah, I'll just go with you, then."

"Huh?" Dammit, Karkat was looking for an excuse to use his gun today…

_**=Marukaite Chikyuu!=**_

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this edited version! Review!**

**Oh God, the KarNep is so fuckin' obvious…**


	9. Pitch Perfect

**I love this movie to bits. It was so hard to resist. So. Hard.**

**Cast**

**Becca – Dani (Fem! Dave) **

**Jesse – John**

**Bumper - Karkat**

**Fat Amy – Blind Terezi**

**Lily – Aradia**

**Aubrey – Roxy**

**Chloe – Diana (Fem! Dirk)**

**Cynthia-Rose – Kanaya**

**Donald – Sollux**

* * *

_**=Ahhhhh~=**_

"Dani! Daniiii!" John was waving to Dani, a red solo cup in his hand. He caught up with the blonde girl, "Do my eyes deceive me or are you a Skaia Bella?"

"No, pfft, course not man." Dani answered, flipping her hair ironically.

"No, you are. It's obvious. You're one of those aca-girls, I'm one of those aca-boys, and we're going to grow up to have acachildren!" John grinned.

Dani raised an eyebrow, "Wow, you must be _really_ drunk."

"I'm not drunk, you're just blurry." John answered, taking another sip of his drink.

"Sure you're not gonna fall?" She pushed the nerdy boy lightly in the chest.

"Nope, I'll just bounce right back, see?" He stood strong on his feet. "I think you need in on this. I'm gonna get you a drink."

"Go for it." Dani called as the boy retreated down to the confessions. Diana basically bounced up to her and grabbed her hands.

"I'm glad you joined!" Diana grinned at her, pressing their foreheads together. "This is going to be awesome."

"I'm sure it will be." Dani replied calmly. Diana grinned and let go, also going towards the alcohol.

"Well, I gotta go get my jiggle juice!" She giggled before flitting away.

"You know there are ten of us," Terezi told Roxy, "That must mean one of us is a lesbian."

"Who do you think?" Roxy raised an eyebrow.

"My bet's on Miss Jade Scent." Terezi pointed, only a little off from where Kanaya was. Kanaya was subtly ogling one of the girl's asses. Roxy nodded in agreement.

Once the music was pumping and Dani had a drink in her hand, she spied Karkat talking to Terezi. The conversation between the Treble Clef leader and the most forte of the Bellas amused her greatly.

"What are you guys talking about?" Terezi suddenly interjected. Sollux wisely absconded.

Karkat, who was slightly tipsy at this point, said, "You're probably the most disgusting person I've ever seen."

Terezi, uncaring, shrugged, "You're not exactly a panty dropper yourself."

"But I have a feeling we should make out." Karkat looked her over, "Is that a bad thing or a good thing?"

"Well," Terezi answered, "Sometimes I feel like I can do crystal meth, but then I'm like 'nahhh'."

_**=Ahhhhh~=**_

"You really don't like me, do you?" Dani looked at Roxy.

Roxy replied, "I know you have a toner for John."

"The fuck is a toner?" Dani looked at her, confused.

"A musical boner. Stay _away_ from him." Roxy growled.

Dani rolled her eyes, "Look, you already lost two girls today because of that. I'm pretty sure you need me more than I need you." She started to walk away.

Roxy, glaring, shouted, "I can see your toner through those jeans!"

Dani flipped her off, "THAT'S MY DICK."

_**=Ahhhhh~=**_

"Hey, weirdo!" Dani looked up from the sick beat she was spinning just in time to catch a bottle of apple juice. Dumbfounded, she looked up at John, who grinned down at her like an idiot.

"Hey John. S'up?" Dani played it cool.

"While I love stacking CD's with you, and trust me, I love it, I thought we could do something that doesn't make us want kill ourselves." John sat down beside her, pulling some movies out his bag. "So I brought Jaws, The Breakfast Club, and Star Wars. These are _the best_ in soundtrack."

"Heh, I bet you sweep your girlfriend off her feet." Dani commented.

"Oh, I don't have a girlfriend." John shrugged.

"What?!" Dani found that a bit hard to believe. "You have movies and apple juice. Come on, Egderp."

Egderp sighed, "So, wanna watch?"

"How about, instead, we talk about my parents' brutal deaths or the fact that my Bro was murdered?" Dani raised an eyebrow, "Or would you rather hear about my insane sister who's obsessed with psychology, Rosie Posie?"

"What, don't you like movies?!" John looked at her, shocked, "Not liking movies is like not liking puppies!"

"Movies are fine. I just get bored and never make it to end." Dani said.

"But the endings are the best part!" John whined.

Dani rolled her eyes, "The endings are so obvious. The guy gets the girl, that kid sees dead people, Darth Vader is Luke's father…"

"Oh, so you just _guessed_ one of the _biggest reveals in cinema history?_" John looked at her skeptically.

Dani shrugged, "Vader in German is father. His name is literally Dark Father."

"Oh, I see." John nodded, "You know German. Now I know why you don't like fun things. You need a movie education. You need a _moviecation_, and I'm gonna give it to you."

Dani rolled her eyes, not visible behind her shades, "In between Bella rehearsals, which are always."

John nodded knowingly, "You're getting ready for the Riff Off?"

Dani looked at him in confusion, "What the hell is a Riff Off?"

_**=Ahhhhh~=**_

"So, what boring song did you planned for us tonight?" Karkat drawled, glaring at Terezi.

Terezi growled, "You're going to get pitch slapped _so hard_, your man boobs are going to concave."

Sollux was focused on driving when he heard a soft noise. It was almost silent, but he could still make out the unmistakable sound of beat boxing. He turned to the girl behind him, giving a smile, "That's pretty good, AA."

Aradia shyly smiled back before saying softly, "I set fires to feel joy."

Sollux nodded, turning back to the road. "That's adorable."

_**=Ahhhhh~=**_

"Well, I have something to confess to you all." She stood up, "I have a lot of… sex…"

"We know, Vriska." Terezi deadpanned.

"Only because I just told you."

"This… This is a good idea." Dani flopped on a chair, "That was a really bad example, but this is a good idea. Why don't we all say something no one else knows about ourselves?"

Kanaya stood up, pulling nervously at the stylish scarf around her neck, "Well, this is difficult to admit to you all…"

"I know where this is going…" Terezi then spoke up, "Lesbianest here."

"Well…" Kanaya took a calming breath, "I've had a huge gambling problem for the last two years."

"Huh?" Terezi wasn't expecting that.

"I believe it started when I broke up with my girlfriend…" Kanaya muttered.

Terezi clapped, "And there we go! I called it!"

Aradia raised her hand, which Dani nodded to. She said softly, "I ate my twin in the womb."

The others gave her weird looks.

_**=Ahhhhh~=**_

"See?" John grinned, amazed by the performance given, "Endings are the best part."

"You're _such_ a weirdo." Dani took his face in her hands and pushed her shades on the top of her head, kissing him.

* * *

**I freaking love this movie~ :3**


	10. Puppet Mistress (ORIGINAL BOOK IDEA)

**This is actually my original book idea... I'll just leave it here before I continue writing it La di da... Please, I'd LOVE feedback. Like, love it. This is a trilogy based around a female assassin's organization known as the Flowers of Destruction...**

**Cast **

**Emerson Grants - Dave Strider**

**Laila "The Puppet Mistress" Grants - Rose Lalonde "The Puppeteer"**

**Arthur Grants - Bro Strider**

**Officer McKarter - Sollux**

_Prolouge_

He was being watched. Dirk was sure of it as he heard the slight rustle of leaves in the still night. It was barely noticeable, a sound that could easily be mistaken for one's imagination. However, his years of training kicked in, sending him on high alert at once. His eyes darted, trying to locate the source of the noise, noting that there was no wind to move anything, leaf or otherwise. He couldn't see anything in the darkness; only make out shadows and silhouettes that seemed to reach for him with black claws. He shivered despite himself, as if something was staring at him, chilling him through the bone.

Dirk heard a soft laugh. It resounded from the freezing, inky night ahead of him, causing him to tense up. Another soft laugh resonated through the air, echoing across the night. The tone of the chilling laughter was not humorous. In fact, it seemed malicious, bitter even, notes only being able to resound from a demon. The dark laugh kept creeping closer and closer, until he could almost feel its breath upon his neck.

It was gone in an instant. A figure on silent feet slowly walked to where the man was stationed, as if possessed, gliding along the ground with only the slightest wrinkle of fabric being heard. Then, it was gone with the black of night.

Dirk was naturally becoming nervous about this situation. He had never liked being uncomprehending of what was going on around him. This mysterious person's games were making him anxious and irritated. He called out, his booming voice filling the air, "Who are you? Coward, show yourself!" The small giggles were back and it seemed that it was circling around him. He realized that he was being trapped, as if he were an animal.

Suddenly, a violet eye sliced through the monochrome, revealing the culprit of such heart stopping games. He could tell that this was a woman, a rather petite one at that. With bandages covering her right eye and a baggy, worn white coat falling down to her ankles, she looked no more than eighteen, even though he knew by her voice that she had to be at least in her twenties.

The woman smiled; something that was not unlike a predator. She circled around him, never tearing that glimmering purple eye away from him. Dirk watched as the woman stopped again, her back towards the shadows that seem to have created her. She spoke softly, eye glinting darkly, "Puppet, what is your purpose?"

"My purpose?" Dirk questioned. He looked down for a moment in thought before turning to the woman once again, "To protect people, to protect my brother, from people like you."

The woman closed in on him, grinning with a Cheshire cat smile, "To protect people?" She mocked, "To protect a son that will die soon? How very, very… _noble_ of you." She spat out the word as if it were poison. "But I know that it's not your purpose to do this tonight. After all…" She laughed, holding up a very familiar blade so that it gleamed in the starlight, "_You have no weapon_."

"That's my kantana! How did you-" Dirk was cut off with a white gloved hand smacking him in the face.

"Ah-ah-ah, puppet. That's a trade secret. Why would I tell you?" The woman smiled, "Besides, your purpose tonight isn't to protect. You won't even be able to protect _yourself_."

Dirk glared at the woman, clenching his fists, "Why do you keep calling me a puppet? I don't take orders!"

"Oh?" The woman smiled, "Well, you'll be a puppet when I'm done with you." She started to leisurely step around him, studying him as if he were some sort of freak. Dirk, seeing his chance, pounced on the woman, trying to reach for the sword. The woman was surprisingly fast and kicked him in the stomach, holding the barrel of a pistol to his throat and his kantana towards his eye. Her left eye gleamed in the moonlight and Dirk's eyes widened in realization.

"Oh my God… Ro-"

The woman pulled the trigger and a bullet lodged itself into his throat. The woman growled at his lifeless body as it fell limp underneath her, dark red staining the sidewalk. She whispered angrily, "That isn't my _name._ To _you_, I am the _Puppeteer_." She licked the brilliant red covering her fingers, smiling as the coppery taste was transferred onto her tongue. His blood tasted different than most others. It was less bitter. Perhaps vengeance had sweetened it?

Of course, he deserved to be in a special work of art. "The wonderful general, playing by his superior's rules…" She smiled, "and the wonderfully devoted brother with a shattered family. You'll be _perfect_." She thought of her newest puppet creation, picking up her knife and the other supplies she had brought. She excitedly planned out her masterpiece. Media crews would harp on this new masterpiece. Her fans would scream with delight! She hoped to gain the attention of one person in particular.

She spent some time in the darkness, painting a pretty red picture on the ground and hanging up her new marionette. It didn't take long before it was complete. Her masterpiece hung, framed by the twisted trees and their bony branches. She smiled and ran back into the darkness, as if she was part of the shadows all along.

In a quiet neighborhood, where everyone slept safe in their beds with dreams of splendor and happiness, a woman cackled, dancing along as a white silhouette against a backdrop of monochrome. The red stains shined on her white coat in the dim moonlight, drying paint on a canvas. The only thing she left behind was a pure white lily, left in the still bleeding bullet hole to become impure as well.

**_Chapter 2_**

The sun was shining brightly and barely a cloud crossed the vast blue sky. Dave looked at the beautiful spring day with contempt. How dare the Earth keep going as if nothing had happened? The world was completely upside down. His only family was dead. The world should be weeping. Emerson knew that this was a childishly selfish thought, but allowed himself to be bitter. Sorrow wasn't something he would allow himself to feel. He had plenty of time for it after his father was avenged.

After a while of aimlessly wandering the streets in search of something, anything distracting, he gave up. There was no way that his mind would rest now. There was just too much going on. There were too many images flying past his mind in a plethora of fire. He looked up and saw that his feet had automatically carried him to his father's burial site. It was empty, for now. A glance at the time told him that he still had an hour before it began.

He sat down at a bench and watched as family and friends slowly, one by one, appeared. Children without a care in the world played whilst older adolescents watched everything with morbid curiosity, having being taken to a stranger's death site. The adults whispered amongst themselves, speaking about Dave and his father in pitying voices. One phrase kept repeating through the small crowd, two words that Dave knew all too well. _All alone._

Amidst the cheerfully colored flowers, people in black mourned. Dave could only keep looking at his brother's coffin. Soon, his brother would finally be at peace. After many years of taking care of Dave, he wouldn't have to worry about the matters of a shattered family. Dave tried to find solace in this thought, but only felt an aching throb in his chest.

Looking among the other mourners with a guarded gaze, Dave spotted someone. The petite woman wore a long black gown with a white rose in her breast. A black veil covered her face from view and her blonde hair was styled short, hanging just below her ears. The woman looked at him and he got a glimpse of the left side of her face.

A glittering violet eye gazed at him for only a moment.

Something struck Dave. That eye seemed so familiar, yet he couldn't place it. Had he met her before somewhere? He tried to remember, but his memories of the last few days were a hazy fog of horrible feelings enveloping him, old memories threatening to shred his remaining sanity, and a pain in his chest that wanted his torso to cave in. He couldn't remember what he did yesterday, much less remember some strangely familiar woman.

Thoughts of the mysterious woman were forgotten as the coffin lowering began. The coffin inched slowly along on its journey down. Dave could feel the last tethers of his brother fade as his body ventured deeper into the darkness. Dave locked away his emotions and he couldn't feel anything. He only felt numb.

He was alone.

He stayed long after the dirt had been shoveled on and the other mourners had left and ceased giving him pitied looks. That woman stood by his side, watching the grave. She moved towards him and he could swear that she was smiling. She spoke to him softly, "Isn't it a lovely day?" Dave looked at her in disbelief. The gleaming white of the gravestone glinted in the sunlight beside him, "No. No, it isn't."

The woman moved past him, dropping a bouquet on the newly shoveled dirt. Dave looked away for only a moment and when he looked back, the strange woman was gone. He looked back at the grave. Now that he was alone with his brother, he let go of his emotions. He took a deep breath and knelt beside it. Dave read the inscription aloud, hoping to retain it as a memoir from his brother.

"_Dirk Strider._" Dave let out a shuddering sigh as he looked to the grave beside his brother's unbearably blank one. "At least you were buried with Jake." Dave sat a few more minutes, just remembering his family before. He stood up again and looked back at the graves. "I love you both." He started to wipe the tears that were coming down his right cheek. He looked up at the painfully bright blue sky, "Wherever you are, I'll find you. I'll find you and bring you back. I'll find the scum that tore us apart and make them _pay_."

Dave caught sight the type of flowers that the woman with the white rose brought. He felt sick to his stomach as he slowly turned back around to examine them fully. The killer was taunting him once more. On his brother's grave stood a bouquet of blood red roses, one stark white lily placed in the middle.

**_Chapter 4_**

When Dave took this case, he knew that it was going to be horrific. He just had no idea how far it could go. It was with the brutal slaying of his brother when he saw only a small glimpse of the true nature of these crimes. The next homicide to fall under his jurisdiction, this desecration of human life, is what gave him a look into the mind of the killer.

It was the day after his brother's funeral. It was also the day after when he saw, he was sure of it, his sister. Was it some sort of coincidence? Why would his sister suddenly appear after his brother's death? Perhaps she had finally escaped.

Dave shook his head. He had no time for these thoughts right now. He could look into his sister's disappearance more intently later. He made his way towards the scene of the murder, dodging questions from nosy news teams as best as he could. After he made his difficult trek through microphones and a million questions, he was able to see the scene fully. It was another heinous work of art, as the Puppeteer seemed prone to creating. The woman's body knelt, held in place with strings, holding a bloody arm with bleached hair pooling into her wide, blue (it was almost violet, but not quite) eye, flesh falling from her agape mouth. Her right eye had been gouged out and replaced with a rose and lily and the pure white sash around her waist barely stained with the lightest touch and splatters of red.

It was beautiful, but sickening all the same. Dave called to the officer from the previous scene, hoping to get some answers. He turned to Officer Captor, "I'm going to need DNA tests on the arm and the flesh between her teeth. Also, could you get the forensics over here? I need them to search for fingerprints." The officer nodded.

Dave couldn't help noticing the chilling fact that the woman's face seemed eerily similar to his sister's the night before. He gave an involuntary shudder before turning away from the woman's gaping socket, feeling his left socket ache. He tried to find a witness, any witness, but none could be found. Any possible witnesses were asleep at the time of the murder. The Puppeteer still remained cloaked in shadows, it seemed.

He took as many pictures as he could so that he could study them later on. He wrote down simple speculations he made based on the available evidence, some of which he immediately crossed out. They seemed like baseless conjecture, most probably born of his emotions. He just seemed to have a quite a hard time controlling them lately…

He read over the list, silly ideas included. _She seems to have been killed in one place but moved to another. The murderer either has access to a morgue (which is very unlikely) or has killed someone before hand, explaining the arm. The killer may know the area well. A resident? The same flowers as before are in place. A lily and a rose have been found and the victim's right eye has been gouged out. This is clearly connected to the first and second murders. All three were theatrically set up. Perhaps the killer wants attention?_

Dave read over the next part of his speculations, shaking his head at the absurdity of it. _The victim has had her right eye gouged out, just as my sister's has been. Both also have similar eye color as well as face structure. Perhaps the killer wants me to know something? Perhaps they want me to think that Rose is next? (This seems unlikely.) The arm hints that the murderer has killed another one. The arm and the flesh between the victim's teeth make it look as if she's a cannibal. What symbolism could be behind this? Is it a promise to kill again? Or another taunt?_

He sighed, tearing the second paragraph of speculations out and carefully folding them. Those words found their way into his pocket, to be looked over and compared with research later.

**_Chapter_**_ ?_

Rose waited patiently for her escort, wiping the remnants of blood from her elegant fingers. She tapped her fingers against the fabric of her black ceremonial dress; the same dress she had worn to her brother's funeral. The white rose in her breast pocket had recently been dyed red and drops of crimson still streamed in warm trickles down her dress. Her veil covered her working eye, exposing the right socket to the open air. She turned, picking up the sound of clacking heels with a trained ear. She was quite pleasantly surprised when Kanaya was the one who greeted her, the tightly interwoven locks of her red dress shining a bright, bloody color in the moonlight.

"Hello, Rose. It seems that I have been sent to escort you?" Kanaya tilted her head, an innocent gesture.

Rose smiled amiably at her friend, "It seems so. Now tell me, Flesh Seamstress, what have you been up to?"

Kanaya huffed, beginning to walk alongside her, pale skin glowing by the starlight, "You know I hate the name the media gave me. At least _you_ have the media calling you your proper stage name!" She made a sound of disgust, "I don't even use flesh. It's such a horrible fabric. I prefer hair."

"As you've said, Rainbow Drinker," Rose couldn't help but snicker under her breath, "And is that fine dress you're wearing not silk? It looks so soft to the touch."

Kanaya smiled proudly, another decietfully innocent gesture, "Of course not. Silk is so expensive. Don't you find it much cheaper to collect a softer fabric yourself? Sure, it was troublesome to chop the bodies so that they were unrecognizable, but it was worth it."

"As I can see! Perhaps I'll attempt to do what you pursue." Rose joked, smiling.

Kanaya gave a playful glare, "If you do, I'll cut you in half."

"If you attempt, I'll shoot you in the neck." Rose smiled. The two laughed and Rose mentally pondered if this talk was wrong. After all, she knew that she had been raised to be like this. She had once come from a good home, before she was saved (_Taken_, the weaker part of herself whispered, _kidnapped_). But then she shrugged. After all, she had been broken long ago.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this idea... I'm writing more of it in an actual bok! Look for the book caled _Puppet_**_ Mistress._


End file.
